Parker

In honor of my recent engagement,
I wanted to share a little about why I chose to marry Park.
Of course there are lots of reasons–
But for today, how he helps me embrace my essence.

Parker and I have been friends for a lot of years.
7 to be exact.
Before he left to serve an LDS mission, he wrote me a letter.
He thanked me for being a good person,
And said that it was who I was, more than how I looked
that made me attractive to him.

That was the first time a boy had ever suggested to me
my insides were more important than my out.

After he came home, I was 17 and finally able to date;
But I was young, immature, and afraid of commitment.
(Like most 17 year olds… in my defense)
Over the course of the next 3 years, I drove the poor guy crazy.
I was attracted to him and loved the way I felt around him,
So I couldn’t stay too far away…
But I would never let myself get too close either.

He took me out and we casually spent time together, on and off, over all those years.
We built a great friendship.
Park was there for me in some of the hardest and most confusing times of my life.
He never pushed me, or tried to take our relationship to a romantic level.
He knew I wasn’t ready and he was willing to just wait.

I always knew he cared a lot about me,
And it was a real kind of love.
Not just passionate or shallow…
But the stuff that would stay.

As I got older and wiser,
I realized that boys I dated actually liked me for different reasons.
They were each drawn to unique aspects of my looks or personality.
I started to notice that I would feed the parts of myself that were most important to that specific boy…

If he appreciated my sense of humor or humility,
I’d try to be more fun or humble.
If he liked my energy and drive,
I’d be more energetic and driven.
If he was attracted to my body and looks,
I’d spend more time at the gym and hair salon.

I came to understand that I needed a boy who loved all the most important parts of me;
Because those were the parts I would focus on.
The parts I would feed.

After so many years of Park supporting my dreams and potential–
I started to realize he had always believed in me and recognized my best traits.
He encouraged goodness, confidence, strength and spirituality.
I was my best self
and closest to the person I wanted to be,
when I was with him.

After I finally got home from my mission,
It was obvious to me that he was exactly what I wanted and needed.

He’s proven to be just that.

I’m a perfectionist,
One of my greatest struggles is loving and accepting myself.
When I get overwhelmed by my weaknesses or too critical of my flaws…
He tells me he loves me,
That I am enough,
And he just wants me to “love myself the way he does.”

I feel like it’s the same sort of thing God wants to say,
Not just to me.. but to girls everywhere;
So, although it’s cliche,
I’m convinced he’s ‘heaven sent.’

I’ve learned we can’t rely solely on others to supply our self-esteem, peace, or fulfillment…
So I’m not suggesting that having a ‘Parker’
fixes my insecurities, or makes me into a perfect person.
But through his encouragement, patience, and love–
He’s helped me recognize just how important my own essence is.
If I just feed the best parts of me, the parts he appreciates most–
I’ll be happy, healthy, and whole.
The kind of ‘me’ I’ve always hoped to be.

I adore him.

leskus3

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