Healing Habits of Gossip and Judgment

“What is most personal is most universal.” -Carl R. Rogers
I’ve experienced a hard and humbling change over the past year..
Which I had no intention of writing about.
But if it’s possible for someone to learn something from my mistakes,
I decided it’s worth being vulnerable.

I have struggled with gossiping and being judgmental.
The most interesting thing about this character flaw of mine,
Is that I was largely unaware of it until recently.
I specifically remember the day that my husband pointed out my unhealthy habit..
I was obsessing over some issue with some friend,
Stressing about her and chatting with others about my concern.
Park said something to the effect of..
If you feel so riled about this, why not talk to her instead of behind her back?
And if you can’t talk to her, then you shouldn’t be saying anything at all..

Wow.
His words stung as consciousness and guilt surfaced.
I pushed back for some time,
I felt as though I could never actually confront the issue.
Any issue.
I didn’t have the courage.
Park told me if I couldn’t talk to her, it was time to let it go.

Unfortunately,
Gossip is like sweet poison.
It’s draw is powerful.
I started trying to catch and control myself..
Yet, again and again, I found the irresistible words escaping my lips.
They burned with satisfaction for only a moment,
Then disappointment and regret.

Awareness and repentance did bring a slow progress.
But the problem of “letting it go” remained.
I couldn’t.
There were people in my life that said or did things that upset me..
And I couldn’t forget or move on.
So I decided to try confronting situations, rather than ignoring them.

This brought a storm that I was completely unprepared for.
I hurt and offended people that I love.
They expressed that they felt as if I didn’t really know them..
How funny that I had initially felt so justified in my own cause-
But again, found myself in the wrong.
Caught in self-deception.
All this negative feedback brought a great humbling and enlightening to my life.
There are a couple crucial things I learned.

One. Gossip is poison and I want to rid my life of it.

Two. 99% of the time, it isn’t my place to correct anyone else..
(With the exception of my husband and children)

Three. My critical feelings of others is merely a reflection of the impossible expectations I have set for myself.
My capacity for love is limited by self-love.

Four. If I can change my thoughts to focus on positive rather than negative attributes,
I can feel a more genuine love for all.
The good becomes the focus and, with a little compassion and understanding, the seemingly “bad” melts away.

Five. Sincere prayer and a penitent heart expedite progress.
Christ can loan me (and all of us) some of His perfect love if we’ll just ask for it.

Last. That’s what my essence, or true self, has been trying to teach me all along.
I am enough.
We are all on the same team.
I can be a builder and a lifter,
Instead of a gossiper and criticizer.
I can change the way I see myself,
And consequently, my view of those around me.
I can withhold judgement and extend compassion.
I can love more unconditionally.
More like the Master.

Moroni 7:45 And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.
48 Wherefore, my beloved brethren, pray unto the Father with all the energy of heart, that ye may be filled with this love..

One of my all time favorite quotes says..
“There are two types of people in this world; those that we love and those that we do not yet know.” -Unknown

I honestly believe that if we will just take time to
Listen, understand, and truly see
Those that we don’t agree with
Or those that frustrate, irritate and offend us..
We will be able to rid ourselves of negative feelings,
Replacing them with compassion and genuine love.
We can let go.
We can be free..
And by consequence, confident and happy.

2 thoughts on “Healing Habits of Gossip and Judgment”

  1. “My capacity for love is limited by self love.” Love love love that quote. Great little late night read to start tomorrow new and refreshed. Great job!!

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