Having my second baby has brought motherhood to a new level of intensity.
Higher highs and lower lows.
Our days consist of constant feeding, changing, nursing, dressing, playing, sleeping, crying, burping, persuading, cooking, praying, cleaning..
On the days that I have eyes to see the beauty around me,
There’s so much joy.
But I can’t always see clearly.
Those are the times I feel stuck on low.
Last week was one of those times.
Partly because we tried to add potty training to our hectic, yet monotonous, schedule.
It was going pretty well until, of course, Kira decided she didn’t “like” the potty anymore.
An abrupt digression resulted.
I bought some Cadbury eggs to sit as temptation on the counter..
An open reward to the willing potty go-er.
Partly because we tried to add potty training to our hectic, yet monotonous, schedule.
It was going pretty well until, of course, Kira decided she didn’t “like” the potty anymore.
An abrupt digression resulted.
I bought some Cadbury eggs to sit as temptation on the counter..
An open reward to the willing potty go-er.
She was ultimately unfazed.
The eggs just became mom’s treat.
A small reward between my newborn’s countless dirty diapers and Kira’s consistent accidents.
After 3 days of very little success and very large loads of laundry..
I was exhausted, chocolate sick, stir crazy—
and starting to believe motherhood was a pretty poopy job.
The eggs just became mom’s treat.
A small reward between my newborn’s countless dirty diapers and Kira’s consistent accidents.
After 3 days of very little success and very large loads of laundry..
I was exhausted, chocolate sick, stir crazy—
and starting to believe motherhood was a pretty poopy job.
My husband, sensing my distress, told me to take a break and go to the temple.
As I was drove there,
I vented to the Man upstairs about how tired I was.
About how I felt like I was drowning.
About how sometimes the days seemed too hard and too long..
Especially when my newborn filled nights weren’t even my own.
Then how guilty I felt that sometimes I was admittedly sad and frustrated.
Wishing time away..
When this motherhood thing was exactly what I’d always hoped and prayed for.
As I was drove there,
I vented to the Man upstairs about how tired I was.
About how I felt like I was drowning.
About how sometimes the days seemed too hard and too long..
Especially when my newborn filled nights weren’t even my own.
Then how guilty I felt that sometimes I was admittedly sad and frustrated.
Wishing time away..
When this motherhood thing was exactly what I’d always hoped and prayed for.
The worst part of my episode was that, deep down,
I knew that I was actually the problem.
That there was nothing wrong with my life, my circumstances, or my children.
My negative feelings were simply proof of my raw, flawed nature.
My inability to see clearly.
My dire need to change.
I knew that if I was just more selfless, patient, grateful, inspired..
I would be fulfilled in my journey.
Even, and especially, in the “poopy” now.
I knew that I was actually the problem.
That there was nothing wrong with my life, my circumstances, or my children.
My negative feelings were simply proof of my raw, flawed nature.
My inability to see clearly.
My dire need to change.
I knew that if I was just more selfless, patient, grateful, inspired..
I would be fulfilled in my journey.
Even, and especially, in the “poopy” now.
I had a decision to make.
Was I going to face my deep rooted flaws and take ownership of my negative feelings?
Or was I going to continue to play the victim?
The overworked, under appreciated, often-failing mother.
Was I going to face my deep rooted flaws and take ownership of my negative feelings?
Or was I going to continue to play the victim?
The overworked, under appreciated, often-failing mother.
I’m trying to own my faults.
It hurts because I have to admit what to God what’s wrong with me.
And even worse..
That I ultimately lack the strength, and sometimes even the desire, to change.
And even worse..
That I ultimately lack the strength, and sometimes even the desire, to change.
I entered the temple feeling a little hopeless—
But as I started to serve, I was reminded of the covenants that I’ve made with my Father in Heaven.
That my promises to Him actually bind me to His perfect Son.
Although I’m weak and selfish,
I have been gifted power through Christ to become more.
More like Him.
And with Him, I cannot fail.
But as I started to serve, I was reminded of the covenants that I’ve made with my Father in Heaven.
That my promises to Him actually bind me to His perfect Son.
Although I’m weak and selfish,
I have been gifted power through Christ to become more.
More like Him.
And with Him, I cannot fail.
Parenthood is the Lord’s work.
A part of it anyway..
Losing our lives in His work will bring LIFE.
A part of it anyway..
Losing our lives in His work will bring LIFE.
“For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” -John 16:25
It doesn’t happen all at once.
But piece by piece we see..
As piece by piece we change.
I catch glimpses of eternity when I repent,
And allow Christ to teach me how to be more heavenly.
Repentance brings heaven home.
But piece by piece we see..
As piece by piece we change.
I catch glimpses of eternity when I repent,
And allow Christ to teach me how to be more heavenly.
Repentance brings heaven home.
